It's that time of year again. Ahhh, the holidays! They are always an interesting time of year. The lead up to Christmas is always an exciting one. This year I hosted a Christmas Eve Dinner at my house for any of my friends who decided not to go away travelling during the holidays. So 10 or so of my friends squeezed into my apartment for some delicious food and drink. The night was great and we finished it off at the local foreigner pub, Traveler's.
After that lovely evening, Christmas day was upon us. And as anyone who is away from home for the holidays can tell you, it was a bit sad. It was not my first year away so I was prepared for the sadness, luckily I had my good friend Beth to hang with. The worst was actually Boxing Day morning. I woke up early to Skype with my family back in Canada, where for them it was still Christmas night. Both my brothers and their girlfriends were visiting my parents so I was lucky to be able to talk to everyone at once. It's funny how when you grow up you really start to realize the importance of your family and being away from them makes it even that more obvious. It was all I could do to not break down and cry on camera. I was feeling very alone, and wanted nothing more than to be chillin on the couch with my dad watching TV.
So needless to say, the next few days were a bit rough. The winter blues seem to have come on full throttle. I find myself examining my life, my friends, and the person I have become. I have realized that I need to cut some friends loose because the person I am around them is not the person I want to be. Cutting friends is a hard thing to do. I feel the need to be nice and friendly to everyone and find it hard to just tell someone I can no longer hang around them. I guess I need to man up and just say it because the alternative, just ignoring them, is not a fun one. I happen to be on the opposite end of that right now with a good friend from home and I can tell you, I would just prefer her to say she does not want to continue our friendship, rather than her constantly ignoring my attempts to get a hold of her.
Aww first world problems. It's hard sometimes to see your life in the big picture. To take the problems that seem so huge and realize that in the actual realm of things, they are tiny insignificant problems. It's hard to not dwell on everything when you are feeling blue. I know I live a great life. I have wonderful friends and a family who does everything they can to support me in any way possible. I have a job I absolutely love and a roof over my head. I am not starving, nor am I freezing to death. Yet I am constantly uneasy with my life. Am I making the right decisions? What if things don't work out? What will I do next? Striving for happiness that always seems just out of reach.
I suppose I could go on and on forever. My Mom always says, "This too, shall pass," so I'll do what needs to be done, go to sleep, wake up, head out for a run and be optimistic for what the next day holds. One day at a time. 2012 is upon us, my goal for the year is to do things for me. Health and fitness are what make me happy, so its time to stop pleasing others and work on things that please me.
