The next chapter

I haven't written a blog post in awhile. Mainly because I haven't been inspired by anything, nor have I done anything particularly significant. Over the past month, I have been going through a messy and difficult break up. Love sometimes hits fast and hard, and sadly, it can be taken away just as quickly. I was head-over-heels in love with this man. He was my best friend and favourite person in the world. Coming to terms with the fact it is over has been one of the hardest things I have done.  I will spare the details of the entire situation, except to say that it has been a tumultuous time for me.

I haven't felt much like myself in weeks. I was going through each day completing tasks and kind of just being there. I have felt and still do feel very lost. Coming out of a serious relationship really shakes you to the core. Everything I knew has been turned upside down and it's hard to grasp. Living in Korea has it's challenges and the uncertainty of everything is definitely one of them. I've been asking myself questions every day; What now? Where do I go from here? Why did this happen? How do I move on? It's almost impossible to not question who you are and what has led you to this place.

I am approaching my 29th birthday this coming weekend. For so long I was concerned about someone else, it is time to start living for myself again. This will be the last year of my twenties and I want to accomplish things on my bucket list and work towards making myself the best that I can be.

This past weekend I was blown away by the kindness and generosity of my friends. It is sometimes easy to forget that I have such wonderful people in my life. I spent the weekend doing things that made me happy. Making decisions about what I wanted at that exact moment. And it was fantastic! The weekend shaped up to be a great one, I drank, ran, laughed, danced, cried, ate, hung out, and listened! For the first time in weeks, hours passed where I wasn't sad. It reminded me of who I was before and who I want to be in the future.

So now that the world is open to me I am looking forward to the next year. I know it won't be easy, I know some days I will feel all the pain and anger again, I know this relationship will never truly leave my heart. But I know that I can only try to be okay, and try to be happy for myself. I have some big plans coming up, including a summer bike trip from Seoul to Busan, and hopefully a trip of epic proportions around Southeast Asia early next year. New Zealand is perhaps on the horizon as well. For now, I will wake up everyday and work on me. It's time to let go and be at peace.