What does a 29 year old do in Seoul on a Saturday night? Any number of crazy adventures could happen: a dinner with friends at a BBQ joint followed by a night belting out tunes at a Noreabang, drinks with the girls and then off to a swanky dance club to boogie down all night long, a movie night relaxing with close buddies, a concert, a show, a museum, the options are endless. And with less than two weeks left in this magical city, I'm spending a Saturday night at home in my sweat pants, thinking, reminiscing, pondering what is next for me in this big world.
The past few months, everything has been leading up till now. I always knew the day would come when I had to make the choice to leave Korea. I fell in love with this country and my life here. It's easy, it makes sense. It's filled with fun adventures and amazing people. But for a city that's always moving, my life here isn't going anywhere. I am not advancing. So the choice was made. I must leave this place that I've called home. And the time is coming, soon.
Last night I had to say goodbye to a good friend. He's in the military and will be away on exercise until after I leave the country, so we had our last hangout, and I had to say my first goodbye. It's weird thinking I may never see him again. The world is a small, but big place, and while I know some of the friends I've made here are lifelong, I know I may never cross paths with some again. It left me kind of in a daze. I hadn't realized until last night that I am living a life of "lasts". Last dinners, last sleepovers, last nights out, last hashes, last heart-to-hearts last shopping trips, last adventures in Korea.
Walking through Gangnam today with less than 12 days left, I realized I may never walk through Gangnam again. Trying to soak in everything I can, yet sort of shut down. I've never been good at change, I'm a sucker for routine, leaving this place that has become my home, and my expat family, is something that is really hitting me to the core. These friends I've made have impacted my life so greatly. Some for the better, some not so much, but ultimately, they have all changed me, and helped me get to who I am today, right now. I may not know who that is exactly, but I know I am different than who I was when I first stepped off the plane in this country. Moving here has changed my life completely. It opened up a world I never thought I'd know. The opportunities are endless, with friends scattered all over the world, I can travel anywhere and always have someone to see.
I know going back to Canada is going to be hard. I think about it everyday. I think about the uncertainty, what will I do, how will I get by? I think about the people I'm leaving behind, who will keep in touch? Who will fade into distant memories? I think about my kids at school. Will they miss me? How will they do next semester? I think about how I'll make new friends and how I'll relate to people who haven't travelled at all. It's terrifying. It keeps me awake at night. As I sit here in my almost empty apartment, I remember having those same thoughts upon moving here. Change is scary. But I am not that 26 year old small town girl anymore. I have gained confidence in myself and my independence since being abroad and on my own. If I can make it in a foreign country alone, I sure as heck can hack it back in Canada, where at least they speak English.
So with one week left at work, my bags are almost packed, I'm preparing myself for my final weekend here, to say goodbye and so long to my hash family, who, have supported me, been there for me, have picked me up from my lowest lows, have high-fived me and celebrated my successes with me. I know it's not going to be easy, it's going to be filled with tears and reminiscing. But the good ones will stay in my life forever, and the bad ones will fade away into the past. One thing I do know, is that it's time for my next chapter. A new beginning, a chance to start over.
So very, very, poignant!
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