Flying into 2014, literally

It's 10:20 am on December 31, 2013 and I am sitting in the Toronto airport awaiting my flight back to Seoul, where it is already 2014. Airports are one of my favourite things about travelling, there's no better place to people watch. Everyone is coming and going, visiting family, reuniting with friends, it's a community within a community of people with the same goals. As I sit here and look back on all the things that have happened this year, I feel lucky enough to even be sitting in an airport ready to board an international flight. Not everyone gets the same opportunities I have been lucky enough to have. I have been lucky enough to travel the world, make new friends, live in a foreign country and so much more. Sometimes it's hard to see beyond the stress and strife of daily life and see how lucky we really are.

Looking back at the things I hoped to accomplish in 2013 it's hit or miss. Some things I checked off the list, others I didn't, others I accomplished and didn't even know I would. I travelled to Japan, became GM of my hash kennel, had my heartbroken, fell in love, met new friends, took a solo trip to Busan, ran my first full marathon, applied to school, visited my family, sprained my ankle, embarrassed myself while drinking too much, cried, laughed, loved, and so much more. It's been a year of learning and figuring things out. I turned 29 in June and celebrated with my birthday twin and all of our friends. This last year of my twenties has been a big one in helping me evolve and grow. I have made friends who will be friends for life, who have helped me change and have picked me up when I was down. I know I am still learning, I am still lost and trying to figure out who I am and where my place is in this big crazy world. 

This next year brings a lot of change into my life, I will be leaving Korea after three and a half years for the unknown. I've applied to schools to take my Bachelor of Education so once my contract is finished in March, I will make my way back to Canada to await what I hope are acceptance letters. Australia is a back up plan should I not get into school, so there are opportunities on the horizon. It's a lot of change for me and I am genuinely terrified to leave Seoul, the place I have called home for so long and my friends who are now family. But I remind myself that when I chose to take the leap and move to Seoul originally I was also terrified of what the future would hold. I was, as I am now, terrified of being alone, scared of not making it on my own, but everything worked out then and I know it will work out now. It's time to open a new chapter of my life and this is the year. It'll be a year of focusing on myself, my health, my future, and figuring out who I am. 

So as I fly into 2014, I am thankful for all that I've experienced this past year and I am excited for all the new adventures I will have this year. I know the things I need to do to make myself the best I can be; eat healthy, run, workout, sleep, love, be loved and go with the flow. If I can do all of these things in 2014, it's destined to be a great year!! ON-ON to Seoul! Happy New Year everyone!

Lost, and home isn't home anymore.

As you probably know, I have been living abroad in Korea for the last three and a half years. In that time I have gone home once after my first year. This year I was excited to be able to come home for Christmas. After counting down for many months, the time finally arrived for me to board my plane and make my way back to the east coast of Canada. After more than 30 hours of travelling I arrived home. But after a few days, I've quickly realized home just isn't home anymore. It has been wonderful to spend time with my family and see my old friends, but I feel so out of place here. Like I'm not really here, I am just watching from the outside. I've always known that the longer I stayed away, the less I could relate to my friends and family back home. I have lost touch with many friends and the ones I still remain in contact with just don't understand what life is like away from home. I have nothing to say to people around here, they don't understand why I would want to live in a strange country or why I choose to not have a white picket fence, kids and a husband(well the husband part really isn't my choice!)

I feel completely lost and like I'm wandering around looking for the place that I belong. I'm living the aftermath of yet another break up, trying to figure out where I always go wrong. It's been a tough year for me. After the horrible, heart wrenching break up I went through in May, I was reluctant to let myself love anyone again. But as they say, love came along and I wasn't expecting it. Despite my best efforts, I found myself head over heels in love with one of my very good friends. He was someone who had seen me through the rough times and still wanted to be with me. This was the first time I had ever dated someone who I was good friends with, and it definitely made us a lot closer much more quickly. I fell hard and fast, despite the constant fear that I would have my heartbroken yet again. And as it happens, on the last day before he and I were going to leave each other for three months, my fears came true and my heart was broken. It seems inevitable now. Every time I let myself fall, every time I let my guard down and let someone in, I get hurt. How many heart breaks can one girl take? People always say 'tis better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all? I'm not sure I believe that. Not only did I get my heart crushed, but I lost a very important friend in the process. One of those friends you can talk to, who will be there when you need them, who knows the bad things about you and still loves you anyway. If I had chosen friendship over love, I would still have that. Of all things I've done in my life, this is one I regret. I made the wrong choice.

I am officially unemployed this coming February. I will be leaving Korea, the place I've called home for 3+ years and my friends who have become my family, and moving back to Canada to await a letter telling me if I get into university or not. I'll have no job, no house, no car, no boyfriend, no friends and no plans. It's terrifying. I'm nearing my 30th birthday and my life is not even close to being figured out. I worry about what I will do and how I will support myself. I am ashamed that I've reached this age and have nothing to show for it, yet I wouldn't trade my travel experiences for anything. I'm embarrassed that I am going to be sleeping on my parents couch and going back to school yet again. I'm afraid I'm making the wrong choice, yet I feel I have no other choice. I'm doing my best to tell myself it's time to make a change, and change is good. It's a new chapter with new adventures. It means saying goodbye to friends, but saying hello to new ones.

I'm worried I am becoming jaded, that the more I get lost and the more I get hurt, the higher my wall goes and the harder it will become to break it down. Can I really keep hoping?  I've always said I am a hopeless romantic, but every time someone loves me, they decide they don't want to put in the work. Maybe I really am destined to be alone. Maybe I am too selfish, or too unloveable, or too mean for anyone to really love forever.

All I can do is continue on, day by day, hoping that I what am I doing is leading me to my best self. And hoping that one day I will find that place I belong and the person I belong there with.

Things I will miss about Korea (Part I)

It's  the beginning of December which means the weather is getting chilly, the holiday buzz is on and I've got roughly two and a half months left in this country. It's hard to even think back to when I didn't live here. All the little nuances and cultural differences are a way of life now. Integrating back into North American life is going to be hard for me so I've decided to do a series of posts featuring things I'll miss about Korea. 

First and foremost, my kiddos. While I may complain and gripe about a bad day, these guys are saviors for my sanity. Their smiles make my day every day. They come to class excited to see me and have a good time at school. Hanging with them is awesome and I'm going to miss not having them to go see everyday.

Random street art everywhere. The alleys and streets of Seoul are filled with graffiti and art work. Some of it's amateur work and some of them are genuinely gorgeous works of art. You never know what might be around the corner from you. 

Seoul skyline. I love this city. I fall in love with it every time I look around. It's a small but big city and every neighborhood brings something different. A new adventure, a new view and new experiences. 

It's such a digital world. Pagers for everything! No waiting in lines here. I'm currently sitting in a 24 hour coffee shop sipping a green tea latte and writing this post from my iPhone. Korea is so connected, there is free wifi everywhere!! Even on buses and trains! At times it's overwhelming how many people have cell phones or tablets in their hands on a daily basis but at other times it's a life savor. There is an app for everything in this country. You can find out which subway to take and exactly what time you'll get there, or what bus to get on and the exact current location of it. You can find restaurants and bars, compare shopping and order just about anything you can think up. 

The hashers. For the past two years my life has been about the hash. Every Saturday and Sunday I wake up early to trek to Seoul to run with this bunch of crazy lunatics. Over that time, I have made countless friends, fell in love, had my heart broken, discovered my second family and fell in love again. The hash has shown me more parts of this great city than I ever could have explored on my own. It has taught me to keep going even when times are tough. It has taught me to forgive and forget, and to let other peoples differences be keys to great friendships. The hash has become my family and of all the things I will miss about Korea, they are the biggest one. 

Time for breakfast! Stay tuned for my next post!

How I became a runner and my first full marathon!

What does being a runner mean? And how does someone become a runner? Personally, I think it's all in how you view yourself, and what running does for you. I began running back in 2006. I was in an unhappy relationship, depressed and had gained a lot of weight. I needed something to help me get out. I began walking and jogging intervals. For a year I continued this and was able to drop the weight. I went back to university and continued running for weight loss. I ran several times a week, but I still didn't consider myself a runner.

It wasn't until I moved to Korea, in 2010, that I finally began running for a different reason. My weekly runs were no longer about losing weight, they were about destressing, clearing my head, and finding myself on the road. My first year in Korea I ran my first official 5km race. It wasn't easy, nor was it my best time, but it opened up an entirely new world for me. A few months later, I ran my first 10km and six months after that my first half, an accomplishment I never thought I could ever achieve. In my mind I was a "real" runner  now. When people asked me what my hobbies were, I would answer with, "I run". Running has saved me from myself. When I am down and sad, I go for a run and return feeling on top of the world. I have the word "run" tattooed on my wrist so I always remember the one thing that showed me who I really was and what I could do. Since my first half marathon, I have run multiple more, even one on the Great Wall of China.

The idea of running a full marathon was always in the back of my mind. I would see others doing it and think if they can, why can't I? Last fall I decided I would run the Seoul International Marathon in March. I began training through the winter, turns out training for a full marathon is a huge commitment and by February my training hadn't reached the point it should have so I opted out of the marathon.

The thought still lingered in my head, I really wanted to complete a full marathon while being in Korea. So I signed up for the famous Chuncheon Marathon. Toted as the most beautiful marathon course in Korea, it was also well known for its hills. I began my training in the heat of the summer and kept it up relatively well. I had worked up to 30km long runs on Sundays and was feeling strong. That's when the bronchitis hit. With one month to go until race day I was sick as a dog. Every week that went by I rested and hoped I would get better in time. I ran a few short runs in the weeks while tapering but definitely not what I should have been.

By the time race weekend rolled around, I was still sick, but slightly better and determined to run. No way was I quitting this one. All I had been doing for months was talking about it, I couldn't back down now. So Saturday evening, my running partner, Emily and I headed up to Chuncheon to stay with a friend of mine. It was nice to be able to get up there the night before, otherwise we would have had to wake up at 4:30am to get the bus up with our running club, the Seoul Flyers. I knew I wouldn't get much sleep either way, but it was great not having to worry about waking up early.

7AM finally came and it was time for us to get up. The nervousness began to give way to excitement, I was about to run a FULL marathon!! We stuffed ourselves full of our go-to breakfasts, me with my paleo pancakes, banana and almond butter and Emily with her quinoa, jam and banana. Into a cab we went! We arrived at the race site to meet up with the other 30,000 runners. That's right. I said 30,000. Nothing like getting up close and personal with a bunch of sweaty marathoners! Our first stop was the bathroom, lines, lines and more lines. Luckily it didn't take too long.

The morning up in the mountains was pretty chilly. We had both brought shorts and tank tops to run in so we were hesitant to check out bags until the possible second. We walked around and managed to meet up with the Flyers. After securing spots back home on the bus, we stripped down to our running gear, checked our bags, and found our corral. The race began at 9:00AM, but we were in G corral so we thought we wouldn't run until closer to 9:45. We lined up around 9:15 and lucky we did because we crossed the line shortly after 9:20. I looked at Emily with excitement and fear(and maybe a tear or two) I was running my first marathon.

It was chilly and foggy for the first 5-7km but then the sun came out and the views were gorgeous.

If you look closely you can see runners on both sides of the river!

Emily and I rocked through the first 21Km in an awesome time. We crossed the halfway mark at 2:04, I was elated, at this rate we could possibly get a 4:15 or 4:20 finish. Pretty awesome and way under what I was hoping for. Little did I know, the worst was yet to come.

At around 23km I started feeling pain in my knee. Funny thing was, it wasn't the knee I have tendonitis in(and was wearing a knee brace for) it was the other one. I started to worry, we were only half way, what if it got worse? I kept my eyes open for the medics on the side with the magical numbing spray. Unfortunately I didn't see one for awhile and by 25km my knee was screaming at me. Not wanting to let Emily down, I continued on in pain. On a bathroom break at 25km I accidentally stopped my Garmin so I was about 3km off, which drove me crazy as I didn't know how far we had gone. A friend had warned me that I would go to a very dark place in this marathon, and he was not wrong. By 27km I was fighting a hard core battle. Not only was my right knee in horrible agony, by left IT band decided it was going to seize up as well. Finally I found some spray and numbed both knees. I even switched my knee brace to my right knee since it was hurting much more than my left. Okay, I began to feel some relief. In my mind I kept repeating mantras over and over. I got this. Don't stop. You can do this Caley. Prove it to yourself. Out loud all I did was complain(sorry Emily!) When would this be over? Why did we do this? I will never run again!

By 30km, I was unsure if I could finish. I had visions of lying down and curling up on the side of the road. No one would notice, I'm sure I could just take a quick nap. I was breaking down physically and emotionally. I was stopping at every medic and spraying my knees as much as possible to dull the pain. Side story: My ex boyfriend Ben bought me a hash necklace with my hash name on it when he went to Malaysia last year. He wore it while completing the hash challenge, a 42.195km hash through the Malaysian jungle. He told me it was the hardest thing he had ever done in his life but he had to keep going for me, so that the necklace meant something. Immediately when he told me that I knew I would have to wear it for my marathon, likely the hardest thing I will ever do(at the time we were still together.) Since breaking up, I have fought with myself over whether or not I would wear it for the race. Part of me didn't want to because I didn't want to think about him the whole time, this race was for me, but the other part of me wanted to because it means so much to me still and this race would make it mine. At the last minute before starting I decided I would wear it. Funny thing is, I only thought about him once. At one point around 31km, when I was on the brink of giving up and lying down, I touched it and wondered if he had felt the same excruciating pain while doing the hash challenge as I was in at the very moment. I knew then I couldn't stop. That necklace would be mine, I needed to earn it.

Emily and I trucked along, at a very slow pace. My dreams of a 4:20 marathon were long gone, now I was only dreaming of survival. Emily had her watch so I kept asking her, how far are we? what's our time? Finally we rounded a corner and we saw the bridge our friend Sessions had told us would be about 2km from the finish. We were almost there. Keep going. One foot in front of the other. I was dying, barely shuffling. I would not walk across the finish line, I would run. Those last 2km were terrible, the longest two kilometres I have ever run. Even when we hit the last kilometre I wasn't sure I would make it. I turned to Emily and said, "I don't think I can keep going. I can't do it." She looked at me and told me to keep going, I could do it, less than a kilometre left.

Coming up to the finish line we saw some Seoul flyers on the side cheering us on. We crossed the line at the same time 4:47. We were done. A wave of emotion came over me, tears in my eyes, Emily and I hugged, and congratulated each other. We made it. I could barely walk, but I did it. I finished the marathon and I earned my necklace. Walking around after crossing the finish line I told Emily I might quit running, I never wanted to run again, that was the worst idea I'd ever had and the hardest thing I'd ever done. We both knew that wasn't true. I am glad we did it.

Smiling after crossing the finish line! 

We met back up with the Seoul Flyers crew and went off in search of what Chuncheon is known for, it's delicious Dak Galbi! After stuffing our faces full of food, we hopped on the bus for a traffic filled three hour bus ride home. By the time I got home it was 10PM and my knee was the size of a grapefruit. A sign that I should probably not have run without more training. Lesson learned. Thanks marathon.

I may never run a full marathon again. That kind of pain and agony is not something I want on a regular basis. It was the hardest thing I have ever done and I did it voluntarily. Crazy? Maybe. Was it worth it? Heck yes! I proved to myself I can withstand more than I ever thought I could. Oddly, I thought I would come out of this race with the mentality that I could handle life on my own, that I had done it all by myself. But that is not the case. Without Emily by my side, and without the countless Koreans yelling, "FIGHTING!" as we ran by, I would not have been able to push myself to finish. I now know I am strong enough to bear more pain that I ever thought I could, but I can't go at life alone. I need to ask for help sometimes and I am so grateful and blessed to have friends like Emily to keep me going. One thing I do know is, as my nana used to say, I am one tough cookie. And I am a runner. 

Positive thinking day

September 13th is positive thinking day. I have a tough time remaining positive a lot. I'm very pessimistic in my thinking generally. I've been trying to be more open and positive lately so I'm glad for today. I will try my best to remain in a positive mindset all day. 

Today I'm also experimenting with cutting out fruit in my diet. I've become addicted to fruit! I eat a lot everyday and my carb intake from fruit is crazy high! So today I'm focusing more on protein and fats. I had strawberries for breakfast and will have an apple for snack this afternoon but that is it. Time to cut those sugar cravings!!

Positive thinking day

September 13th is positive thinking day. I have a tough time remaining positive a lot. I'm very pessimistic in my thinking generally. I've been trying to be more open and positive lately so I'm glad for today. I will try my best to remain in a positive mindset all day. 

Today I'm also experimenting with cutting out fruit in my diet. I've become addicted to fruit! I eat a lot everyday and my carb intake from fruit is crazy high! So today I'm focusing more on protein and fats. I had strawberries for breakfast and will have an apple for snack this afternoon but that is it. Time to cut those sugar cravings!!

One years difference

Last year in September I began changing my way of life. I embarked on the Whole30, a month of eating strict Paleo foods in an effort to become healthier and lose weight. Since graduating university I have been relatively active. I have been a runner for years and have almost always had a gym membership. Even when I came to Korea I continued to run and remained as active as possible. But I found that these things were not working for me. Over the past year I have struggled testing out new eating habits and exercises. I have had months that I worked out endlessly and others when I was sick and suffering from IBS(irritable bowel syndrome). I have been dealing with IBS since high school but for some reason during the winter last year it flared up and I had a really hard few months. Luckily I have managed to keep things under control since about February.

After my break up in May, I really started to focus on my eating habits and how they were affecting my workouts. I have been going to Cross fit consistently and am training for my first full marathon in October. I try to stick to a pretty consistent diet, it's easiest on my system. I avoid all grains because they are too fibrous for me and almost always cause stomach issues. I rely mostly on lean protein, veggies and fruit. I allow some dairy here and there, but not very much. I have noticed huge gains over the summer based on how I eat. I have lost a significant amount of weight and am beginning to see muscle definition.

Before Sept 1, 2012
During Sept 1, 2013

The before photo is from September 1, 2012, the after photo September 1st, 2013. I have definitely made a lot of progress. I still have more work to do until I am fully satisfied but I am definitely happier than with myself now than I was a year ago. I have had multiple friends tell me they think I am too skinny. To that I explain I am eating quite healthy and am very conscious of what I eat and when. I eat to fuel my workouts and restore my muscles. Yes, I eat much less than a lot of other people, but the majority of people eat way too much than they need. I have struggled with how much to each, and how to not eat based on my emotions. I had a hard time during my break up, I didn't eat a lot at that time. But I know that if I want to fuel my workouts and compete at the level I want to athletically, I need to eat properly to do so. 

Living an active healthy life is not always easy. There are days I slip up, just this past weekend I ate pizza and ice cream. And boy did I pay for it. My stomach was a mess for two days afterwards. Each time I binge, it's easier to say no next time. I like feeling like my body is healthy and ready for anything. Eating like crap doesn't achieve that feeling. I have been spending a lot of time reading fitness and health blogs in order to remain motivated. Less than two months left until my full marathon in the mountains of Gangwon-do Korea! I am nervous and excited at the same time! 

Next week is Chuseok, Korean Thanksgiving so we get a 5 day weekend! It is also the beginning of Hashathon, 12 days of hashing in the ROK. It will be a busy two weeks! I am looking forward to logging as many kilometres as possible! 

Recently, I received two little bits of advice from two different friends that have been helping me get through the days. At Crossfit this week, I was figuring out how much weight to put on for a WOD and my coach and my workout buddy both encouraged me to add more weight even though I was reluctant. I finally did and ended up getting through the WOD and feeling great, to which my friend added, "See, you're stronger than you think you are. " It has been ringing in my head ever since. 

And another day this week, I was having a really tough day, one where I just want to burrow down under my covers and cry for days. A good friend sent me a clip from the movie Finding Nemo and told me to fast forward to a certain part. "Just keep swimming, just keep swimming." Every time I have a bad moment or a tough day now, I find myself repeating it over and over in my head, just keep swimming, just keep swimming. 

I have been keeping to myself a lot lately, not socially too much because unfortunately, my ex Ben and I run in the same circle so I have been avoiding our social scene to keep potential run ins to a minimum. But I am lucky to have two close friends I have able to confide in and who both have been there for me no matter what I need. My workout buddy, KA and my close hasher friend NL. Without their love and support over the past few months I am not sure I would be where I am right now. The following quote seems to sum up everything for me, 

Just keep running.

Summer is coming to an end. Luckily, I live in South Korea, where the weather actually gets nicer in the fall. This summer has been a busy one, and as always, it seems to have gone by much too quickly. I ran, biked, laughed, swam, drank, ate, ran some more, sang, danced, and so much more. The last time I wrote anything of substance, things were pretty messed up in my head and in my heart. Since then a lot has happened. I feel I have grown a lot this summer, realized more about myself and the things I want in this life.

Just as I thought things were beginning to come together for me, life has thrown yet another curve ball at me. I'm not sure if the universe is testing me, seeing how much I can withstand before I break, or if it's just another one of those things that happens. As many of my friends know, I am not a huge believer in spiritual matters, however, I do generally believe that people come into your life for a reason. Whether it be painful or complete bliss, the relationships we form with others in our lives shape who we are and who we will be. The life of a traveller always includes people entering and leaving your life. This year I've had many friends come and go, new friendships formed and new love interests.  I went through a rough break up that left me raw, broken, and lost in my own head. Since then, I've had time to look at myself and the situation, to see the good and the bad that came with that relationship. It's always hard getting over someone who was such a big part of your life. To go from one day knowing you will spend the rest of your life with someone, to the next day knowing it will never be again. But life goes on, we must keep living, we must keep moving. 

In the midst of finding myself again, and figuring out my new life, another relationship began to develop. I was not expecting it, nor was I really searching for it, but suddenly it was there and it made me happy. Happier than I have been in a long time. I have always been very set in my ways, unwilling to change anything about myself because my ways worked for me. Suddenly I found myself wanting to be better for this new man in my life. My views on life, my surroundings and the people I choose to share my life with began to evolve and change. He made me want to grow and mature in a way I haven't felt before. He is the kind of man you work for, the kind of man every woman wants to end up with. The one who supports you in everything you do, the one who will stick around. How lucky I was that he chose me! However, as life does, things got complicated and much to our disappointment the relationship ended. I know he came into my life for a reason, I don't know what that is yet, but there has to be one. 

I am bummed about it, a lot more than I had expected. My mind and heart tell me to fight for it, I feel like it is the kind of thing you don't just let get away. But I have spent my whole life fighting for what I want. This man taught me to think through the situation and try to react accordingly, without forcing anything, so I am trying, the best that I can, to let things be. It's a fight for me, it's against everything in my character to be patient, to let things happen. I am a doer, if I want something I work for it. 

But as always, I am still a hopeless romantic. I still have to believe that somewhere there is someone who is exactly what I am looking for. A partner in life, someone who shares my interests, someone who will support me even in the silliest of ventures, someone who cares about others, someone who makes me want to be the best that I can be, someone to run with, someone to laugh with and someone to cry with. I want an equal. Someone who wants to be with me just as much as I want to be with them. Someone who will love me more than anyone else in the world. Someone who appreciates the silly things I do, someone who loves all the little crazy things about me. I shouldn't have to convince someone that I'm worth the risk. I want someone who will blindly jump in head first with me. Maybe it's him and the timing is wrong, or maybe I've already met that person, perhaps they are right under my nose and I don't know it. Or maybe they are still out there, and our paths will cross one day when the time is right. All I can do is continue being me, continue evolving for myself and hope that one day I find what I'm looking for.

A friend once told me that I torture myself through exercise and running, so if I can endure that kind of pain physically, I can deal with so much more emotionally. It's tough. There are days where I feel helpless, worthless and lost. So I do the only thing I know how to do, keep running. Running gets me through the tough times. It's just me, my thoughts and the road. No one but myself controls how far or how fast I go. 

I am doing my best to apply it to my life as well, "Don't stop, just keep running." 

Another year comes to an end

Tomorrow starts the last year of my twenties! I am nervous, but excited to make it the best year yet! I woke up early and did 20 minutes of abs this morning.  I rewarded myself with a soy green tea frappachino from Starbucks on my way to work today! Hooray for Friday! 

The next chapter

I haven't written a blog post in awhile. Mainly because I haven't been inspired by anything, nor have I done anything particularly significant. Over the past month, I have been going through a messy and difficult break up. Love sometimes hits fast and hard, and sadly, it can be taken away just as quickly. I was head-over-heels in love with this man. He was my best friend and favourite person in the world. Coming to terms with the fact it is over has been one of the hardest things I have done.  I will spare the details of the entire situation, except to say that it has been a tumultuous time for me.

I haven't felt much like myself in weeks. I was going through each day completing tasks and kind of just being there. I have felt and still do feel very lost. Coming out of a serious relationship really shakes you to the core. Everything I knew has been turned upside down and it's hard to grasp. Living in Korea has it's challenges and the uncertainty of everything is definitely one of them. I've been asking myself questions every day; What now? Where do I go from here? Why did this happen? How do I move on? It's almost impossible to not question who you are and what has led you to this place.

I am approaching my 29th birthday this coming weekend. For so long I was concerned about someone else, it is time to start living for myself again. This will be the last year of my twenties and I want to accomplish things on my bucket list and work towards making myself the best that I can be.

This past weekend I was blown away by the kindness and generosity of my friends. It is sometimes easy to forget that I have such wonderful people in my life. I spent the weekend doing things that made me happy. Making decisions about what I wanted at that exact moment. And it was fantastic! The weekend shaped up to be a great one, I drank, ran, laughed, danced, cried, ate, hung out, and listened! For the first time in weeks, hours passed where I wasn't sad. It reminded me of who I was before and who I want to be in the future.

So now that the world is open to me I am looking forward to the next year. I know it won't be easy, I know some days I will feel all the pain and anger again, I know this relationship will never truly leave my heart. But I know that I can only try to be okay, and try to be happy for myself. I have some big plans coming up, including a summer bike trip from Seoul to Busan, and hopefully a trip of epic proportions around Southeast Asia early next year. New Zealand is perhaps on the horizon as well. For now, I will wake up everyday and work on me. It's time to let go and be at peace.

Adventure, adventure, adventure!

Back from our weekend in Japan, and boy was it a good one! If you know me at all, you know that I am a planner, I like things to be planned out and to be well prepared for anything that might come up. As I am still pretty new to this whole "travelling" thing, I haven't really had anything terrible or stressful happen to me on any of my trips. This weekend had a few bumps in the road but it turned out to be one of the best weekends I've had!

It started out on Friday, I woke up that morning not feeling so great, my stomach was bothering me, but since that has always been normal for me I figured it would subside and I'd be fine. I headed off to the airport to meet my friend, Bi, still not feeling great. After a few hours and several trips to the airport bathrooms, I figured out that I had food poisoning! Hooray! What a way to start my trip! Reluctant to get on the plane, another friend of ours, Cranky, switched seats with me so I could have the aisle seat! I made it through the plane and we landed in Japan. Once we got through the incredibly long line at immigration, we met another friend of ours, VVD, out in the airport and were reading to find our way to our respective hotels! As we were making our way to the platform, another foreigner who lived in Japan helped us out. He and his girlfriend were going the same way as us for two of our trains so we travelled together with them!

We finally arrived at our station, and went to wander around to choose which exit to take, somehow we choose correctly and were spit out literally 500m from our hotel. We walked into the hotel and as we stepped out of the elevator, there was Ben waiting for us. We dropped our stuff off and went out to explore. We grabbed some noodles at this noodle joint. A lot of their restaurants were similar, they had this vending machine in the entrance with pictures of the food, you just put in your money and it spit out a ticket which you then handed to the cooks and they made it for you! They were some DELICIOUS noodles!

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Our main reason for coming to Japan was the 1800th Red Dress Run with the Hash House Harriers. It was awesome to see so many people turn up! There were somewhere around 100 runners! We ran great trail through the streets. It was cool to see the neighborhoods in Japan, the houses were much different than Korea, no huge apartment complexes, but smaller more European style houses. It felt like being back home. Really cool! This was also my first time hashing outside of Korea so it was pretty neat to see how other hashes function, what they do similar and what they do differently! 

My two travel companions dress up nice! 

I was being too Canadian for him!

After a great circle and an even great On-after, I stumbled home and passed out in the hotel. The next morning on our way to the airport, we stopped in the popular Shinjuku area. It was still early in the morning so it wasn't too busy but it was fun to explore! 

Just your average store selling your everyday sexual needs!

Crazy crosswalks in Japan! We didn't have time to go to the most famous one but this one was pretty cool too!

After we got some more delicious food, (all of which was only 700yen, close to $7!) we jumped back on the trains to navigate our way back to the airport hopefully just in time! But, as luck would have it, we got on the wrong train and went to far, so we had to back track and transfer which made us ultimately miss our flight. Now, as I said I am still new at this whole traveling thing so this was the first time I had ever missed a flight. I knew what it meant though, we would need to book other flights and likely pay ALOT to do so. So I immediately started to freak out, how was I going to pay for my flight? I had no back up money, I couldn't even really afford the flight I had booked in the first place. Luckily for me I was travelling with two seasoned adventurers. Bi was really great and understanding and tried to help me calm down. But, it was Ben who really blew me away. I have known this man for just under a year and I have never seen him switch on like this before. He immediately took charge and started trying to figure things out for us. When I was crying and worried about everything, he calmly took my hand and said, "Honey, I got this." I admired his ability to be so calm and try to find a solution. He could have easily become angry with me for stressing out but instead he did what he needed to do because, as they both reassured me, this was part of the adventure. 

So Bi and I took to a corner in the airport and hung out while Ben ran around working his magic charm. We hung out, chatted, made airport employees angry and had a good time. He managed to get both Bi and I on a flight out that same night for not a lot of money. Unfortunately he couldn't get one for himself. He selflessly ensured that both of us had a way to get home because he knew we had to work today. I actually still don't know if he has been able to get a flight out or not, but I know he is happy adventuring over there on his own. 

This weekend was a great one and it taught me a lot. I have a greater respect for Ben now, after watching him deal with the situation the way that he did! He came through for me in so many ways. I may never be able to be as care free and "laissez faire" as they both were, but I am now anxious to go on another adventure and learn more about myself and my friends! 

A Hashy Filled Weekend

Well it's Tuesday and I'm back to work after a nice long weekend filled with hashes! It began Friday night with the Full Moon Hash in Itaewon. It was a breezy -15C but we had a great little run through the hills and back alleys of Evilwon. Then onto Saturday morning at YK. The theme was Afro Circus and hashers came out in the best costumes. (I'm the one in a monkey suit!)

YK Chalk Talk

After Saturday's hash, it was time to move onto Sunday. Southsides trail was a short trail but as always a fun time. 

Next came Monday, the 38th Parallel Hash. This hash only happens twice a year and always has a great, long trail. The weather was great, sunny and only about -3C. We ran up and down snowy mountains, through parking garages, onto a roof and down a fire escape, over fences and under branches. It was a great trail, just under 10km. 

Now it's back to work with tired legs. Looking forward to my half day of work on Friday and jumping on a plane to Japan for the Tokyo Red Dress Run!! 

Daily Tasks

I've been reading a lot about simplifying your life and how relax. I've been experimenting and I've found that if I make a list of tasks I need to complete, it becomes much easier to relax and sleep at night once I have done all of them.

Here is a list of things I am doing before going to bed:
-wash all dishes
-hang up clothes
-prepare breakfast/lunch(chop veggies, etc.)
-tidy up
-prepare running clothes for am.

Once these things are done I can begin to relax and get ready for bed.
-meditate
-floss & brush teeth
-read


This routine has been working well the past few nights! So now I am working on things during the day as well. I've been trying to drink more water at work so I made a little chart and each time I drink one bottle(800ml) I mark it down. So far the most for one day has been 3. I'm also starting a new flossing and brushing routine. In Korea, everyone brushes their teeth immediately after they eat, they all have tooth brushes at school, even the kids do it. So I have brought my brush today and will attempt to do this everyday as well. Not only will it be good for my teeth, but I think it will curb some desire to snack on junk after lunch as well!

I like making changes! Now if only I could get my lazy butt up and out the door to run on cold mornings!

TGIF!

It's Friday! And, it's a long weekend! This weekend is Korean New Year(Sollar) so we have Monday off! This weekend is filled with lots of hashing! Tonight I'll be heading into Itaewon to run the Full Moon Hash, then tomorrow at my home hash, Yongsan Kimchi, one of our favorite hashers is leaving so the theme is Afro Circus! I will be running in my one piece monkey costume! Should be a riot!

Sunday I think I will head out to hike Bukhansan with my friend Kat and her boyfriend. I haven't been hiking in awhile so it should be alot of fun. Then Monday is a special bi-annual hash, the 38th Parallel Hash. I am very excited for this one, it will be an epic trail I am sure!

So I shall be very busy this weekend. Today will be day 7 of my Take 10, 10 days of meditation program. I have been doing pretty well and I want to keep it up, I think I might have to do it while I'm on the bus tonight!

I'll post updates of how the weekends events go! Next weekend, I'm heading to Tokyo for a special Hash event! Can't wait!!

Finally some sleep!

I have been having trouble sleeping for as long as I can remember, however, recently it has been the worst I have ever had. I toss and turn all night, maybe getting 2-3 hours total. A friend introduced me to this Zen Habits website and I've been spending some time reading up on it. I found an article about how to sleep like a baby, so I decided to try it out.

Here's how my night went last night:

Arrive home from work. Put in load of laundry. Cook and eat dinner. Run errand to store. Come home, clean up dishes, hang up laundry. Watch an episode of New Girl while painting my nails. Call boyfriend to say good night. Once that's done it's time for my new favorite app, Headspace. 10 minutes of meditation. Turn phone to airplane mode. Then floss, brush teeth and get into bed. Read one chapter. Lights out, lay in bed, recount all things I did that day starting from the first moment I woke up. I think I made it to lunch time and then I was asleep.

The article I read emphasized the importance of having a sleep routine. I had already been doing the meditating thing this week so I just added in a few others. I decided to turn my phone to airplane mode while sleeping, that way my alarm will still wake me up, but messages and notifcations will wait until morning. By doing laundry and cleaning my dishes, everything was ready for the next day.  They also said the trick to falling asleep was going through all the things you did that day.

I woke up at about 5am, having slept through since 10pm. Not bad. Had it not been -17C outside I would have gone for a run.

We'll see how it works tonight when I am a bit busier and have to go into Seoul after work.

Monday morning and feeling fine!

Today is the first morning I've had in a long time where I feel great! This weekend I had a colonoscopy& endoscopy, which came back clear, but left me feeling less than ideal for all of Saturday and part of Sunday. It was kind of depressing to go through that whole process only to be told there is, yet again, nothing wrong with me and it must be IBS. I have found in the past that my IBS becomes easier to manage when I consume adequate amounts of carbs(bread, pasta, rice). The downside to this is that it adds a lot of extra calories. My food journal is helpful so that I don't eat too much, but it will hopefully also help me to pin point trigger foods.

I haven't been exercising much but I'm hoping this week I can ease back into it. I am going to try out a Korean Spin class tomorrow night!

In addition to carefully watching my food intake, I've decided to try this app called Headspace. It's a meditation app. They have a program that you can do for 10 days and only 10 minutes a day. Stress has a lot to do with IBS and I know I am often stressed and have a hard time relaxing. I started the 10 day program last night and I think it really helped.

My boyfriend, Ben, was awesome on Saturday and came to meet me after my procedure, he then graciously cooked dinner for me(amazing as always!) and hung out on the couch with me watching movies while I recovered.

Sunday I still didn't feel great so I opted out of the hash, but instead hung out with my friend Ally. We went to meet a few of my friends at the local foreigner bar and had a little girls afternoon. It was very low key but really great to relax with some friends. I cooked when I got home so my lunch would be ready for today, quinoa millet salad with salmon and avocado! Delicious!

A quiet Sunday to reflect

Last night, I received a comment on one of my blog posts from when I first came to Korea. A girl who is looking into coming here did a search and my blog popped up. This led to me going through and rereading all my posts from my first year here. It was really eye opening. As I said in my last post. I have fallen into a rut. It is so easy once you get settled into a place. After reading through my posts I find myself longing for those days of unknown adventures. A new place, new friends, a totally new culture to learn and explore. I spent the morning dreaming of new adventures and where I can move to next. Taiwan, Thailand, Indonesia, Japan, South America? At this point, who knows. I have another year here in Korea to get through first.

Yesterday I got a few things crossed off my to do list. While I didn't get the opportunity to go volunteer teach like I had planned, I did go find High Street Market in Itaewon and my movie group is taking off with our first movie night to happen tomorrow. I am currently sitting in a coffee shop near my house waiting on some potential new lady friends to come meet me. Yesterday morning, despite the cold, I made it to the hash with the Yongsan Kimchi Hash House Harriers. It was a chilly run, but as always a great time. I was told yesterday that I am going to be the new GM, or Grand Master, of our hash group. When I first heard of the possibility of this happening, I was a bit nervous, it's a show position, I am basically there to entertain the group, however, it does come with responsibilities. But now that I have had time to settle into the idea, I am really looking forward to taking it over in March. I have just been coasting along in my easy life and I think this position will really help me focus my energies towards something!

I realized yesterday that the hashers really are my family here. We don't all always get along, but they will and are always there when you need them. As it nears my year anniversary of joining the hash, I am so thankful that I met all of the amazing people that I have. They have all really helped me this year and it is amazing knowing I have these wonderful friends here to support me.

Today it is chilly yet again, but I forced myself out for a short 5km run. It is great to finally be feeling good enough to get out and run again. I hope I can up my mileage in the new few weeks and potentially still be able to run the full marathon in March.

I'm adding another to-do to my list. Start a food journal. With all the issues I have with what foods I can eat, it is time I started taking note of what I eat and how I feel. I bought this cute little planner with bicycles on it so I can start recording what I eat.

For some reason, writing in this blog also helps me to realize the good things in my life. So with that I am going to try and write a little more often now.

Things to do

Well we are almost one month down for 2013 and it was an eye opening month for me. I've realized it's time to make some changes. I have now been in Korea for 2.5 years and seems I have fallen into a familiar rut and routine. I have my circle of friends and my usual weekend plans and my schedule doesn't often change. Although Seoul is one of the biggest cities in the world, as an expat living here, the community is small, it is sometimes very easy to forget how big the city really is and all that it has to offer.

Originally I came to Korea because of what an ex-boyfriend, turned great friend taught me: do things that scare you, jump out of your comfort zone and surprise yourself at what you can accomplish. My move here was exactly that, a giant leap out of my comfort zone, and low and behold I am still here. It has been pointed out to me lately that I no longer do those things, I am in a relationship with my best friend in the world and I have been content with living our routine month to month. But it's time for a change. I need to push myself, beyond what I am comfortable with, to be my greatest self. So I am compiling a to-do list of sorts, some may be huge hurdles, others may be small things I've always wanted to do, or things I just haven't had the time to do. Either way I want to strive to do at least one thing a week. The first two items I will be doing this weekend!

1. Volunteer teach
2. Coffee meet up with local Bundang ladies I haven't met.
3. Go check out High Street Market in Itaewon
4. Start a Monthly Movie Night Group(in the works!)
5. Go ice climbing
6. Volunteer at an Orphanage
7. Revive the Seoul Sharriettes Womens Hash
8. Go on a solo weekend away
9. Take a trip and couchsurf!
10. Plan a multiday bike trip(Busan?)
11. Find the Glamourous Penguin coffee shop and spend the afternoon reading there
12. Write emails to catch up with old friends
13. Learn to rock climb
14. Go on a WINK(When in Korea) trip
15. Join a yoga class
16. Plan and save for a Christmas trip to Thailand
17. Go to Jeju and hike Hallasan, solo or with friends
18. Go to a Jjimjilbang
19. Volunteer for Habitat for Humanity
20. Go with Ben to volunteer at Angel House
21. Bungee jump(maybe..eek!)
22. Save up, move to a random country, somewhere warm
23. Visit Wyoming and proceed to fall in love with it(I know I will)
24. Be more aware of other peoples feelings
25. Visit one new place in Seoul a month
26. Japan!
27. Take a Korean cooking class
28. Complete one Rosetta Stone Korean lesson per week and practice!
29. Declutter-give away one thing a week I am no longer using
30. Show a friend how much I appreciate them by doing something nice for them
31. Genuinely listen to someone
32. Hug everyone I love
33. Save $10 a week towards random adventure vacations

So there ya have it, that's what I'll be up to in the coming weeks, trying to get back to the person that I love to be! As I complete them I will come back periodically and strike them out!

Another year in the wind

2013 is upon us! Hard to believe another year has gone by. Time seems to move more quickly here in Korea. Things are always moving, always changing. Friends come and go, jobs change, lives evolve. To survive life as a foreigner in Korea, you need to be adaptable. Things are changing all the time. That favourite BBQ restaurant you've been going to every week for a year has suddenly turned into a pool hall. You're best amigo is headed back to the states and a new subway line opens. 

A lot of things have changed in my life this year. I have changed, my friends have changed, goals and aspirations have changed. In 2012, I became a different person, I met got involved with the Korea Hash House Harriers and met many new friends, including my boyfriend, at the events. Through trial and error I have discovered I no longer like to drink alcohol. Those who have known me in the past may find that a very hard thing to understand. In 2012, a lot of my time has been focused on running and getting healthy. I am become more aware of my body and how it reacts to the different substances I put in it. Plans changed and I have decided to sign on for another year in Korea. 

As we all know, January is a time for a new beginning, a chance to change things in your life and alter yourself. While it's true many resolutions made for the new year fizzle away, I think for some people, it is more than just a resolution, it's a challenge. A way to push themselves a little closer to who they want to be. That is exactly what I plan to do. To challenge myself to be a better person, to push myself to achieve the goals I have planned for this year. 

Goal #1: Seoul International Marathon: this will be my first ever full marathon. I have been training for over a month now and because of the weather(it's been horribly cold), I need to push myself even more to obtain the results I want. There is a 5 hour cut off so I need to run strong! 

Goal #2: Stabilize IBS symptoms/get control of eating habits: The last few months of 2012 have been very tough for me. I have IBS(irritable bowel syndrome) and have been having a very hard time. Nothing I eat seems to agree with me. I have been to the doctor every weekend trying to find ways to deal with the symptoms. Currently I am on medication to help kill off bad gut bacteria. This treatment is a month long. Afterward, I will be doing a cleanse diet for 3 weeks. Prior to these problems in November and December, I was eating Paleo 100% of the time. I would like to get back to that but it seems with my issues, my body functions better when I get some kind of grains in it. So I will be experimenting with Dr. Junger's "Clean" Program and following his elimination diet. This will allow me to stay close to the Paleo protocol, only adding in a few non-gluten grains, such as Quinoa and Millet. 

Goal #3: Get social: At times, especially in the winter months, I can become very anti-social. In the winter it's difficult to find the desire to go out with friends. I do consistently go to the hash runs every weekend, but besides that most of our friends spend their time in bars and pubs drinking, which when you make the resolve to no longer drink, becomes a difficult task to endure. I just read a book about happiness in relationships and it said to follow the 90/10 principle. 90% of my happiness should be filled by myself, my friends, family, and others in the community. If I take time to reach out and find other social outlets besides my boyfriend and our mutual friends, I will be much happier on my own, making it easier for him to fill the other 10%. 

Goal #4. No alcohol in 2013. Gasp away, but I believe this will be 100% easier than the other 3 goals I have set. I spent months at a time last year not drinking and while there was always the desire to go back to it, every time I did drink I felt like I didn't need to. So this year I will not drink at all. I'm sure there will be times that I think about having a drink, but I think for the most part this one will be simple! 

There you have it folks, my challenges for the next year. Some will be easier than others, but luckily I am stubborn and will push as hard as I can to accomplish each of them!