How far I've come

Not much is new here in Korea. The weeks pass by so quickly and before I know it the weekend comes and goes. It's hard to believe I have been here for five months already. Seems like just yesterday that I picked up and left Canada for a new life. Lately I have been thinking that I haven't changed very much and how it doesn't matter where we go in the world, the problems we try to run away from are like debt collectors, they will track you down dead or alive. 


A good friend of mine is currently going through a pretty nasty break-up and although I don't consider myself the kind of person who gives good advice (especially advice on relationships, I don't seem to excel in that area), she has been leaning on me for support. Break-ups are always terrible for both parties, but generally we as women, get the shit end of the stick. We are over-thinkers and tend to dwell on things that are not important and out of our control. We look to the past and wish we had what we had before. It's not an easy process to deal with. We think about where he is or what he is doing, but we rarely think about the fact that he is not thinking about us. We go through telling ourselves that he cares and that he must be just as sad as we are. Now, don't get me wrong, I am sure there are sensitive men out there who are feeling that way, but for the most part, they are sucking it up and getting on with life.


So in talking with her and trying to do my best as a friend to help her figure out all of the why's, I have been thinking about where I am. It's been over a year and a half since my last break-up. And it wasn't just any break up, it was the kind that shatters your life and changes who you are as a person. After which you can never go back, but only pick up the pieces and use the pain as a learning experience to help you grow and become someone better. Now, let me state that I am not, by any means "over" that relationship. I still dwell on things that don't matter and think about how good things were in the past. There is not a day that goes by where I don't think about him. That being said, after listening to my friend speak, I have taken on a new realization that I have come a long way in the past 18 months.


Not only have I taken the giant step of moving overseas to teach, I have started to grow up and have learned to be okay with being on my own. It's funny when you are young, everyone always talks about growing up and how mature you are getting with age, but I think when you realize it for yourself, everything changes. When you start to realize things that you would have overlooked before, like the fact that you can be a successful, happy human being without being someones girlfriend. Or that not all relationships are meant to work out, some are toxic and are only useful to show you that you deserve better. Obviously these things take time, and as I said earlier I am not completely there. I have many a day when all I can do is cry and wonder why, why, why.  But then I look back on what I went through to get where I am today. Faced with the hurt and pain of being dumped, I eventually picked myself up and continued on with my life, whilst slowly reassembling myself like a challenging puzzle with a piece or two missing.  I finished my degree, tried new things and branched out to new friends. And I am okay. Did all of the hurt make me a better person? I don't know, it did however, change who I am. And for that I can always look back and say I am glad I went through what I did and came out the other side alive.


 On that note, I will leave you with one of my favorite quotes from Elizabeth Gilbert's book, Eat, Pray, Love. 


"People think a soul mate is your perfect fit. But a true soul mate is a mirror, the person who shows you everything that's been holding you back, the person who brings you to your own attention so you can change your life. A true soul mate is probably the most important person you'll ever meet, because they tear down your walls and smack you awake. Soul mates, they come into your life just to reveal another layer of yourself to you, and then they leave."