I've been talking a lot about growing up and maturing lately, and it just seems to keep resounding in my head after every decision that I make. I almost feel as though I am living my life outside of my own body looking in, watching myself make decisions and considering the aftermath of those decisions.
Recently, I have been "beating myself up" over the fact that I am still single after two years. I mean I know there is nothing horribly wrong with me that would make me unlovable, but why is it that after so long I still haven't had even a date that I could deem potentially relationship worthy? It seems every time I think I have found someone who has some sort of potential, they quickly unmask themselves and prove they are everything but. I'm going with the theory that I am aware of what works and what doesn't work now. I can easily pick up on the little red flags and choose to avoid them, where as before I would have pretended to ignore them. Maturing seems to make choosing relationships harder. When I was younger it was okay to date a guy who played games, you know the one who chases you and showers you with affection, only to completely ignore you the minute you show any kind of interest. Now I know better than to get myself involved in that kind of emotional mess. It's a hard decision to make. To choose no one, instead of a person who shows interest in you. But shouldn't it be easy? At least, in the beginning? If this person and I are compatible in any way, shouldn't everything in the beginning be easy and thoughtless?
The question remains however, am I smart for being picky enough to know a bad thing when I have it, or am I just cynical and bitter so I don't let anyone in? In life, we all are inevitably looking for someone to share it with, but what if what they say isn't true, what if there isn't someone for everyone. What if some of us are destined to be hurt over and over, and to eventually live our lives alone? Then all of this work and pain is for nothing.
I suppose I could question this forever and ever. I won't know until it happens I guess.
Finding the right person will never be easy. Maintaining a long term relationship is work that you both have to be willing to commit to. In the beginning though, besides attraction, you should be friends. Rather than showering you with gifts he should be there when you need him, have some of the same interests as you and be comfortable to just be with.
ReplyDeleteIt's good to be a little wary and not settle for just anything. As you mature you'll find the partner that suits that maturity. Maybe it's your growing time right now.