Saturday, February 26, 2011

Growing up

I've been talking a lot about growing up and maturing lately, and it just seems to keep resounding in my head after every decision that I make. I almost feel as though I am living my life outside of my own body looking in, watching myself make decisions and considering the aftermath of those decisions.

Recently, I have been "beating myself up" over the fact that I am still single after two years. I mean I know there is nothing horribly wrong with me that would make me unlovable, but why is it that after so long I still haven't had even a date that I could deem potentially relationship worthy? It seems every time I think I have found someone who has some sort of potential, they quickly unmask themselves and prove they are everything but. I'm going with the theory that I am aware of what works and what doesn't work now. I can easily pick up on the little red flags and choose to avoid them, where as before I would have pretended to ignore them. Maturing seems to make choosing relationships harder. When I was younger it was okay to date a guy who played games, you know the one who chases you and showers you with affection, only to completely ignore you the minute you show any kind of interest. Now I know better than to get myself involved in that kind of emotional mess. It's a hard decision to make. To choose no one, instead of a person who shows interest in you.  But shouldn't it be easy? At least, in the beginning? If this person and I are compatible in any way, shouldn't everything in the beginning be easy and thoughtless?

The question remains however, am I smart for being picky enough to know a bad thing when I have it, or am I just cynical and bitter so I don't let anyone in? In life, we all are inevitably looking for someone to share it with, but what if what they say isn't true, what if there isn't someone for everyone. What if some of us are destined to be hurt over and over, and to eventually live our lives alone? Then all of this work and pain is for nothing.

I suppose I could question this forever and ever. I won't know until it happens I guess.

Wednesday, February 16, 2011

Midweek

It's Wednesday and so far this week has been good. Last weekend was a bit messy, I adventured out with some new friends to Seohyeon to see a comedy show at a pub there. It was pretty hilarious, and I am glad I went. I wasn't however, planning on it being the all-nighter that it turned out to be. Pub 210 was everything I had hoped it would be. It was almost like I was back in Canada partying it up with the locals. It's basically a foreigner bar, so it was filled with many English speaking new friends! After an hour or so of side splitting comedy, my friends and I suddenly realized we were drunk...(I know, suddenly?!) The nights events tend to get a little blurry after this, but a few good things came out of that night. 1. I went to a new dance bar I had never been to before. 2. I realized I absolutely love my friend Sarah, she's a kickass Canadian. 3. I met some interesting new friends who are members of the US Army(more on this to come perhaps?..) 4. I woke up the next morning in possession of a nice new zippo lighter I did not purchase. and finally 5. I realized that I am getting old as fuck and can't drink like a 23 year old anymore!!!

So after a horrible two day hangover, I was back to work for another week. It's Wednesday again, which means half way to another weekend of fun! Tomorrow night I am going snowboarding for the first time in Korea and I am pretty stoked about that! This coming weekend could potentially involve a trip to the much anticipated Everland Theme Park! We will see what the future brings!

AMF.

Sunday, February 6, 2011

A monumental day!

Due to my poor money managing skills, this past weekend has been rather uneventful. Aside from a few outdoor runs and a trip to the grocery store, I have spent the bulk of my time reading and catching some movies. Today, however, was a big day in my life....I began Tweeting. Now, as a late 20-something lady, I have attempted to avoid the social phenomenon that is Twitter. I mean do people really need to know my every thought every second of the day. I update my Facebook status frequently so shouldn't that be enough? A good friend of mine works on Parliament Hill in Ottawa and has opened my eyes to the magic of Twitter. From further analysis I have discovered that it is an amazing tool! Since I have a marketing degree, and will someday likely pursue some kind of job in that field, I figured it was time for me to get on the Tweeting band wagon. It is quite a useful tool for keeping up to the minute on the worlds happenings thats for sure! The only problem I foresee is that it is obviously more beneficial to those who are tweeting via cell phone. As it happens tweets are far more interesting than a past tense tweet! As a foreigner here in Korea, I have the misfortune of not being able to have any kind of smartphone. I am stuck with a phone that is only good for talk and text. So for now, I will be tweeting via my trusty old HP notebook until I am back in Canada and hooked back up to my (oh so missed!!!) Blackberry!

Another week of work begins tomorrow! Happy tweeting all!!

Friday, February 4, 2011

Sleep, sleep and more sleep!

Well it's the Lunar New Year here in Korea so I am in the middle of a five day weekend. It has been pretty nice and relaxing. Due to my lack of money managing skills, I have been pretty much stuck in my apartment with nothing to do all week. This has given me lots of opportunity to nap, as well as read and watch a lot of movies. It's kind of nice to take a break from life for once.

Along with sleeping and movie watching, I have been doing a lot of thinking this week. I've realized that I am slowly growing further apart from the life I had in Fredericton and becoming more and more independent and used to my "real" grown-up life here in Korea. Sometimes I find myself missing being a student, mostly just missing the life of never ending parties and friends around every corner. When I originally moved to Fredericton from my hometown, I was a small town girl in what I thought was a big pond. After three years of university and a few different jobs, I found that the "big city" I had moved to, was really not that big at all. It was virtually impossible to go anywhere without running into a classmate, coworker, or friend. That kind of familiarity has always been somewhat of a comfort for me, being from a tiny city of roughly 12000 people. But now here in Korea, I am easily lost amongst the hustle. It is so easy to fly under the radar here. I could go on with my life here and meet very few people. It almost forces you to become outgoing and seek out new friends and experiences. But it also forces you to get used to being alone and become comfortable with the fact that you do not always need to have friends around to be okay.

The other day I was having a conversation about life with a friend. Particularly, we were discussing our beliefs on religion due to a lesson we had to teach in school dealing with different aspects of the bible and God. Now for anyone who knows me, I am, by far, not a religious person. That being said, I am not going to argue that my beliefs are superior to those of any religious believers, but I will engage in a conversation to hear what they have to say. So my buddy and I were discussing whether things in life are "meant to be".  His stance on the matter is that there is a higher being, (not necessarily God), who determines the plots of our lives. Obviously I disagreed with him on the simple fact that this can not be proven to me. In my opinion, if there was a higher power dictating all of the events of the world, wouldn't said person be slightly kinder? I mean with all of the hunger and poverty on the Earth, you would think that a higher power would be able to make that a little less horrible? I believe that each of us makes our own future. We have the power to decide what we do on a day to day basis, therefore enabling us to change the path of our lives. My friend believes that he is meant to be alone. That this higher power put him on the Earth for the sole purpose of him living his life completely and utterly alone. Now because I love said friend, I spent the next twenty minutes telling him what an amazing person he is and that he obviously was not meant to be alone. But it got me to thinking, how are people getting through their lives believing this kind of thing? I mean if I were to wake up everyday and say, "all the things that will happen to me today have been already decided" I would likely not make any attempt to achieve anything new in life. I would have no motivation to pursue my goals or to try to become a better person. I would simply just survive. Now, with all that being said, I must state that I don't judge others for what they believe in. Everyone has the right to believe what they want and I think that each person uses their believes in a different way. I guess I would say I use mine, (or lack thereof) to accomplish my goals and pursue my dreams.

Whew, writing that has been the most productive thing I have done all week (besides organize my external hard drive of movies) I think it's time for another nap. Adios!